A married couple should constantly remember that, the shortcomings of any one partner does not warrant that the rights of the other partner should be neglected in any way. It is a satanic deception that if one of the partners is involved in sin or is negligent of the other partner’s rights then one should reciprocate by involving oneself in the same sin. This warped thinking is destructive. Every individual will be responsible for his own actions, every individual will have to be placed in his own grave, every individual will have to face the Creator and answer for his actions. A person should have the Aakhirah as his main concern, if a person is a little tolerant and make a little sacrifice in this temporary world then the everlasting bounties of Jannah will be easily acquired. If both partners are constantly mindful of fulfilling each other’s rights then the world will become a paradise for them. They will also reap tremendous rewards in the hereafter. Their existence in the world will be peaceful and Allah will help and aid them from His unseen bounties during times of difficulties.  The first step in attaining this blissful existence, is by acquiring the basic knowledge of Deen. As it is stated in Quran, “Those who do good actions from male and female and they are believers, We will certainly grant them a blissful life.” The following kitaabs are recommended to attain this basic knowledge: Tablighi Nisab (1 & 2) Talimul Islam Behishti Zewar THE MUSLIM WIFE BY: Sufi Iqbal Sahib This is an extract from the  Kitaab which is meant to help and encourage our daughters in Islam, to bring Deen into their marriages, homes and the lives of the children.

Treatment towards one’s wife In the Quraan Sharif Allah Ta'ala states, خلق الانسان ضعيفا The human being has been created weak In Tafseer Roohul Ma’aani Allama Aaloosi R.A states that the male is weak in regards to the matters of women to such an extent that women are able to swipe men completely off their feet in-spite of his intelligence and abilities. Another weakness that man has is that he is is unable to exercise patience over her deficiencies. He will always find fault with her and yell at her but at the same time he is unable to live without her. In the Hadith Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is reported to have said, “There is no goodness in women.” This actually means that you will not be able to find a woman that is 100% perfect, there will be some deficiency in her, thus you will have to exercise patience with her. Nowadays many items are manufactured from plastic. If we treat those items as we treat items manufactured of metal then we will break it, as plastic is unable to endure that which solid metal is able to endure. Similarly women are fragile and should be treated with care, else you will break her (i.e. Talaaq).    Displaying good character Many people feel that they are having endless problems with their wives and the solution of the problem is to re-marry. That will not solve the problem at all, in fact it will make it worse. A person should display good character to his wife, which is the actual solution to the problem. In the Hadith Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam  is reported to have said, يغلبن كريما ويغلبهن لئيم فاحب ان اكون كريما مغلوبا ولا احب ان اكونا لئيما Women overpower an honourable man and a hard hearted man over power women, thus I love to be honourable, overpowered and I do not desire to be hard hearted. A hard hearted person refers to a base person that is always over powered by anger. There is a great lesson in this Hadith. Many people claim to love Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam  but are hard towards their women. A person that truly loves Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam  will adopt a soft approach towards their women and display excellent character. In another Hadith Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam  is reported to have said, انما بعثت لاتمم مكارم لاخلاق I have been only sent to complete good/honourable character Creation of women Men should always bear in mind that the women have been created from the left rib of Adam u which is the crooked rib. If one intends to straighten this rib then he will certainly break it. So, one should take benefit whilst it is bent. Hadrat Maulana Umar Saheb Palanpuri R.A used to give an example to explain this point. Maulana said that a camel rider was undertaking a journey. After some time he decides to take the camel to a certain place to drink water where water is drawn out of the well. The system used to draw water is that a massive wheels turns which has cans attached to it. The water cans are filled with water and thereafter emptied in an area adjacent to the water. A camel generally drinks quite a bit of water. The rider tells the owner of the well, that the water cans that are moving due to the movement of the wheel is disturbing my camel therefore stop the wheel. Will the camel then have any water to drink? The camel will have to drink with all the disturbing noises in spite of it being unpleasant. Similarly, a man should continue living with the wife and deriving benefit in spite of her deficiencies. Tolerating women Do we tolerate whatever she says even though her desires contradict Shariah. Hadrat Shah Hakim Muhammad Akhtar Saheb R.A used to say that we should tolerate them in regards to our personal matters, we should be tolerant and be patient with them. Hadrat Thanwi r says that if you request a woman to do something she will definitely delay in doing it, so one should exercise patience on such occasions. If she says something which displeases you, explain to her the correct method of doing things at a later stage. So in matters of the world be patient. On the contrary if she is disobedient in the matters of Deen then the husband shouldn’t display any form of leniency. However, Mufti Muhammad Shafi Saheb R.A (the great Mufti of Pakistan) says that if a woman does not perform Salaah, nor does she adorn the Shari’ee Hijaab, then in our time and era one should advise her continuously and make Dua bit don’t be hard. The question that comes about is that how hard must we be when she is disobedient in the matters of Deen? The Ulema state that we should enquire the limits from the Ulema that possess the correct understanding of Deen.          The various categories of interaction with women Hafiz-ibn-Hajar R.A the commentator of Bukhari Sharif has written under the chapter of Mudaaraat (kindness) towards women that showing kindness towards the women is an excellent and beautiful quality that indicates towards the good character of a person. There are three ways of treating one’s wife. The first is that you are kind towards her as she is kind towards you. This is called ‘Adal’ (justice or equality). The second is where the wife is kind but you are harsh towards her. This is termed as Dhulm (oppression). The third type is where she displays evil character yet you are good towards her. This is termed as Ihsaan (kindness) and it is the third type of attitude that is required. If the wife tells the husband that your mother is a witch then the husband should respond by saying that you mother is a fairy. When she utters nasty statements then the husband should respond in a kind manner. One person went to the Nizamuddin Markaz and expected a five star treatment which he did not get. Therefore he had found many faults about the Markaz. He then visited a great Buzurg in Bopal and expressed his dis-satisfaction of the Markaz. The pious person told him, “if a pig enters a garden then it will never look at the good in the garden, rather it will dig out the filth that is buried in some corner.” The worst quality of a man is to continuously find fault of the wife.    Advise of Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam  In the Hadith Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam  is reported to have said, استوصوا بالنساء خيرا ، فإن المرأة خلقت من ضلع أعوج ، وإن أعوج شئ في الضلع أعلاه ، فإن ذهبت تقيمه كسرته ، وإن تركته لم يزل أعوج ، فاستوصوا بالنساء خيرا Be concerned of being kind towards women, for verily women have been created from a crooked rib, and verily the most crooked portion of the rib is the upper portion, if you attempt to straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it will remain crooked, therefore be concerned of being kind towards women. Hadrat Shah Hakim Muhammad Akhtar Saheb R.A says that a man may be a perfectionist but will he go to the hospital and request the physicians to straighten his rib? Similarly, if a person is driving on a road that has many bends then one does not straighten the road, rather he follows the road. Likewise a person should tolerate the crookedness of the wife and live his life. In the Hadith Sharif we are commanded to fear Allah c in regards to our animals as these are such a creation of Allah Ta'ala that are unable to converse. We should not overload the animal but load according to the ability and strength of the animal. اتقوا الله في البهائم المعجمة : فاركبوها صالحة وكلوها صالحة Fear Allah in regards to the speechless animals, ride upon them in an appropriate manner and eat them in appropriate manner.   The same ruling will apply to our vehicles in this day and age. We should ensure that we don’t overload our vehicles nor should we use the vehicles in such a manner that we don’t allow the engine to cool off. When Shariat has commanded us to pay particular attention to animals in fulfilling their rights how much more shouldn’t we fulfil the rights of our wives? Many men treat their wives as slaves. She is our secretary, our banking girl, our maid at home, our cook, our driver that runs on errands dropping off the kids at school, etc. During the holiday season when many men are on vacation their positions are occupied by women and they feel proud of the fact that they are filling in for the men, merely because they are enjoying some attention and position and given the freedom of driving freely and access to a cell-phone.   Under such slavery the women eventually reaches a point where she will explode. This explosion is even worse than a bomb explosion. We should therefore not treat and use them as our slaves but assist them in their household chores. When Hadrat Fatima i got married to Ali t, Rasulullah g advised Hadrat Ali t to take care of the external work and Hadrat Fatima i to take care of the internal household chores. Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam used to mend his own clothing, help in cleaning and sweeping the house, etc. Unfortunately, we live in a world that is totally opposite to this and goes against the grain of Shariah. We make Dua that Allah Ta'ala grants us the realisation and grants us the Taufeeq of fulfilling the rights of our womenfolk in accordance to Quraan and Sunnah. Ameen!                 

Rasulullah Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam greatly enhanced the respect and status of women and he took great care and concern in their affairs. Trivial acts of Ibaadat by women have been equated to great acts of effort and exertion by men.  Allah Ta’ala  in His wisdom has created women physically weak and fragile. This was in order that the responsibility of supporting and providing for women be placed upon the shoulders of men. At the same time the men have been directed to be kind, considerate, indulging and forgiving towards them. He has been warned sternly from oppressing them in any way.   THE MUSLIM WIFE BY: Sufi Iqbal Sahib This is an extract from the  Kitaab which is meant to help and encourage our daughters in Islam, to bring Deen into their marriages, homes and the lives of the children.

An Ayat of Quran: “And among His signs is that He has created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put mercy and love between your hearts.” (30:21) In the above verse of the Quran Allah Ta’ala describes the wisdom and purpose of women, that they are a source of peace and tranquillity for man. Every need a man desires from a woman centres around the achievement of this tranquillity.  This is the basis of a successful marriage. The marriage that denies this is an unsuccessful marriage. This peace of mind and tranquillity can only be achieved when both the partners understand each other’s duties, rights and responsibilities and then they fulfil these duties. These mutual rights are of such a nature that no law can truly govern them nor can any system of justice, rule over them. It is merely the fear of Allah Ta’ala and the dread of prosecution in the Divine Court of Justice that can truly spur the couple to fulfil their duties to each other. As an added favour Allah Ta’ala has created such a bond of affection and love between them that it surpasses all legal restrictions and it encourages them towards the fulfilment of each other’s rights. THE MUSLIM WIFE BY: Sufi Iqbal Sahib This is an extract from the  Kitaab which is meant to help and encourage our daughters in Islam, to bring Deen into their marriages, homes and the lives of the children.